The First Real Heartbreak....
The feeling of trying to hold on to something that till date seems like an illusion...a dream....was I sleep walking the entire time? Why didn't I listen to my heart? Regrets....they never seemed to end....so this is how a heart breaks.....a cruel lesson of life we must go through....in order to grow as individuals. How does one hold on to sand? Well I tried. I tried really hard but I know myself....I would never be able to live like a caged bird...restricting myself from the breathe of life....no that is definitely not ME. Iam a free soul and do not like to be bound by anything....I wanted to rise in love not fall in love. I tried to put up with so much....so much was at stake....the man of my dreams....standing in front of me....in flesh and blood...yet reality seemed twisted in a sinister manner.
Then it happened. I could take it no longer. But why....why was I doing this to myself? Why was he acting this way? What had I done to deserve all this...should I have blamed it on my hard luck or destiny's way of showing me the light? I knew then...the meaning of a nervous breakdown. I felt disgusted and hated myself for days...how could I have trusted myself against my instincts?
There are many ways to hurt a human being. I realized it then. Not just physically but mentally as well. When someone takes hold of your emotions....your thoughts.....your soul....you become chained in yourself...you become your own slave...caught in a web of illusion. No but he must be right. This must be right. Is this life's way of playing a joke? Reality cannot be so harsh. Yet everything is fair in love and war.
Men can be so stubborn. The blame game continued even after the justifications were given. Who is wrong now? Some people will never change. I just take it as a lesson learned. A hard one at that. Only when you fall...do you learn to rise again....with more determination and persistence. For days I felt repulsed at my choice. The choice that I had made. I refused to believe that people could be so emotionless. That is how the game is played. Leave before realization strikes.
I'am sure I'm among the many faces in a sea of people who have been through something less excruciating or something far worse than I have. Move on. That is the rule of life. Time never stops for anyone. Not even death. The song that I dedicate to fellow bloggers in connection to this story is called Over by Lindsay Lohan. I know many of you might not like the artist but just listen to the song atleast once. Appreciate the lyrics is all I ask of you.
Over by Lindsay Lohan
I watch the walls beneath around me crumble
but it's not like I won't build them up again
so here's your last chance for redemption
so take it while it lasts cause it will end....
And my tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't wanna be the last to know
I won't be the one to chase you
but at the same time you're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
and the more I try to feel the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Yeah, I'll be the first to go
Don't wanna be the last to know
Over...Over...Over
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause it the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
tell me that it's over
over
Honestly tell me
Honestly tell me
Don't tell me that it's over
Don't tell me that it's over
I watch the walls beneath around me crumble
but it's not like I won't build them up again
so here's your last chance for redemption
so take it while it lasts cause it will end....
And my tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Don't wanna be the last to know
I won't be the one to chase you
but at the same time you're the heart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
and the more I try to feel the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
And I'll be the first to go
Yeah, I'll be the first to go
Don't wanna be the last to know
Over...Over...Over
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it's over
cause it the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
tell me that it's over
tell me that it's over
over
Honestly tell me
Honestly tell me
Don't tell me that it's over
Don't tell me that it's over
Being Tagged!
Yes I have been tagged....I was afraid I would be bitten by the TAG bug and so that is exactly what has happend...my dear blogger....DayDreamer couldn't resist and so I shall have to sit down and actually THINK about the answers of the various questions....But nonetheless I thank you....to make me sit down and think about life and retrospect.....Here goes......
8 TV Shows I Like To Watch:
1.) Travel & Living-Samantha Brown's Passport To Great Weekends- The host is an amazing woman who actually wants to make you get up and visit all those places....I call her Ms. Sunshine!
2.) Star World- Prison Break-even though have lost track of the seasons....I was hooked to it!
3.) AXN- Estate of Panic-what would you do for money? A bunch of people perform tasks for money...
4.) Travel & Living-Groomers Has It!-Reality show based on dogs and their owners....
5.) Discovery- Man Vs Wild- Dis guy eats, sleeps n lives in nature! Now thats what I call guts!!!
6.) AXN-CSI Series-Miami nd New York- Amazing stuff about crime investigations....catching criminals seems so easy!
7.) Cartoon Network-Courage The Cowardly Dog-Even though this dog is shit scared...he always manages to save the day! -The Grim Adventures of Billy n Mandy-Hilariously goofy...annoying for some...but i enjoy it!
8.) NDTV Imagine-Heaving Petting-Talks about various pets that people own...interesting stuff....
8 Favourite Places To Eat n Drink:
1.) Pind Balluchi- Punjabi style food...mainly Indian cuisine
2.) Ignis-I tried it once but it has a wide range of Chinese, Indian, Continental and Italian cuisines...check it out!
3.) Azzurro- Best Italian restaurant in Delhi so far....
4.) Pandara Road- Any restaurant there serves one of the best Indian cuisines especially non-veg
5.) Subway- Good salads n sandwiches....light on the stomach....but size is too BIG 4 my tiny MOUTH :(
6.) Satvik- Delicious pure veg Indian cuisine..never knew paneer could taste just like chicken!!
7.) Sagar Ratna- The ultimate in South Indian cuisine...health n tasty....
8.) Pizza Hut-Italian fast food restaurant....amazing salads n pastas....YUMMIEEE!
8 Things I Look Forward To:
1.) Making others laugh....
2.) To a change in my life in whatever way....
3.) Weekends
4.) Polish my language skills again....
5.) Buy something special for "D"
6.) Travel with friends again
7.) Becoming a better person....being less selfish
8.) Attending an Indian Wedding....been a while....
8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1.) I cried cause I felt helpless...
2.) Had a weird dream....
3.) I had a terrible headache...
4.) Laughed out loud with my sis....
5.) Watched Dance India Dance
6.) Talked about "D" with mom....
7.) Had a gulab jamun...Yummy!
8.) Felt really horny for some reason...I still do not know!!
8 Things I Love About Winter:
1.) Is there anything to love about? I generally dislike the winter season....
2.) Hot pakodas with green chutney....Delicious!
3.) Hot coffee or hot chocolate....
4.) A warm cozy blanket...wid AHEM only....someone to cuddle up with...SIGH!!!
5.) Any type of parantha....served hot!
6.) Eating chakothra...a bigger version of the lemon....mix with mustard oil, green chilli paste, sugar, green garlic leaves, coriander leaves...hot n spicy!
7.) Wearing layers of clothes looking like a PENGUIN!!
8.) Looking forward to the New Year party....yipppppeeee!
8 Things On My Wishlist:
1.) Vacation to a nice place with lots of sun...sand....nd...LMAO!
2.) Visit my birthplace atleast once in my lifetime...Hail Maputo!!!
3.) Send my parents on a world cruise
4.) Keeping loved ones happy
5.) Getting married to the one I love!
6.) A machine that makes headaches disappear with a click of a button!
7.) Latest Audi car....what a sexy machine!!
8.) A cool high-tech phone to show off!!
8 Things 'Am Passionate About:
1.) Cute n romantic things....just make you feel all warm inside!
2.) Dancing
3.) Listening to good muzic
4.) Dogs!
5.) Good food
6.) Spending time with close friends
7.) Learning languages~I sometimes even think in different languages!!
8.) Being a perfectionist- doing things my way....some habits die hard!
8 Words/Phrase I Often Use:
1.) Shit!
2.) Haanji....bolo? Yes...anything you have to say?
3.) Saala!
4.) Arre yaar! Uffff!
5.) Fuck#$% Ass&*@#
6.) Whatever!
7.) Bitch
8.) Anything new?
8 Things I Learnt From The Past:
1.) Acceptance is the key to all problems....
2.) No pain, no gain
3.) Never say never
4.) Be hated, be loved, never ever be ignored
5.) Always expect the unexpected
6.) You were born an original, don't die a copy!
7.) The beginning of love~a lifetime horror of emptiness
8.) You'll never know unless u try....
8 Places I Would Love To Go/Visit/See:
1.) Greece to see the old ruins....so romantic!
2.) Seychelles...heard the place is beautiful!
3.) My birthplace-Maputo in Mozambique
4.) New York City-Times Square is a must see!
5.) Italy- I can't get enough of that place!
6.) Maldives
7.) Phuket Island-to explore with someone close to me....HEHEHE!
8.) Spain....ola espagnol!!!
8 Things I Currently Want/Need:
1.) Wish I could have it...HINT HINT!
2.) An iPod
3.) A new place to live in
4.) A wardrobe change
5.) Lots of money to go shopping!!!
6.) Food...am hungry again!
7.) A way to unblock my nose....its been over 2 weeks arrrgggghhh!
8.) Run away from every problem...go somewhere nobody knows me...
8 People To Tag:
Unfortunately am not as popular as DayDreamer-the person who originally tagged me....so any other visitor on my blog has the honor of being tagged by me....Enjoy!!
8 TV Shows I Like To Watch:
1.) Travel & Living-Samantha Brown's Passport To Great Weekends- The host is an amazing woman who actually wants to make you get up and visit all those places....I call her Ms. Sunshine!
2.) Star World- Prison Break-even though have lost track of the seasons....I was hooked to it!
3.) AXN- Estate of Panic-what would you do for money? A bunch of people perform tasks for money...
4.) Travel & Living-Groomers Has It!-Reality show based on dogs and their owners....
5.) Discovery- Man Vs Wild- Dis guy eats, sleeps n lives in nature! Now thats what I call guts!!!
6.) AXN-CSI Series-Miami nd New York- Amazing stuff about crime investigations....catching criminals seems so easy!
7.) Cartoon Network-Courage The Cowardly Dog-Even though this dog is shit scared...he always manages to save the day! -The Grim Adventures of Billy n Mandy-Hilariously goofy...annoying for some...but i enjoy it!
8.) NDTV Imagine-Heaving Petting-Talks about various pets that people own...interesting stuff....
8 Favourite Places To Eat n Drink:
1.) Pind Balluchi- Punjabi style food...mainly Indian cuisine
2.) Ignis-I tried it once but it has a wide range of Chinese, Indian, Continental and Italian cuisines...check it out!
3.) Azzurro- Best Italian restaurant in Delhi so far....
4.) Pandara Road- Any restaurant there serves one of the best Indian cuisines especially non-veg
5.) Subway- Good salads n sandwiches....light on the stomach....but size is too BIG 4 my tiny MOUTH :(
6.) Satvik- Delicious pure veg Indian cuisine..never knew paneer could taste just like chicken!!
7.) Sagar Ratna- The ultimate in South Indian cuisine...health n tasty....
8.) Pizza Hut-Italian fast food restaurant....amazing salads n pastas....YUMMIEEE!
8 Things I Look Forward To:
1.) Making others laugh....
2.) To a change in my life in whatever way....
3.) Weekends
4.) Polish my language skills again....
5.) Buy something special for "D"
6.) Travel with friends again
7.) Becoming a better person....being less selfish
8.) Attending an Indian Wedding....been a while....
8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1.) I cried cause I felt helpless...
2.) Had a weird dream....
3.) I had a terrible headache...
4.) Laughed out loud with my sis....
5.) Watched Dance India Dance
6.) Talked about "D" with mom....
7.) Had a gulab jamun...Yummy!
8.) Felt really horny for some reason...I still do not know!!
8 Things I Love About Winter:
1.) Is there anything to love about? I generally dislike the winter season....
2.) Hot pakodas with green chutney....Delicious!
3.) Hot coffee or hot chocolate....
4.) A warm cozy blanket...wid AHEM only....someone to cuddle up with...SIGH!!!
5.) Any type of parantha....served hot!
6.) Eating chakothra...a bigger version of the lemon....mix with mustard oil, green chilli paste, sugar, green garlic leaves, coriander leaves...hot n spicy!
7.) Wearing layers of clothes looking like a PENGUIN!!
8.) Looking forward to the New Year party....yipppppeeee!
8 Things On My Wishlist:
1.) Vacation to a nice place with lots of sun...sand....nd...LMAO!
2.) Visit my birthplace atleast once in my lifetime...Hail Maputo!!!
3.) Send my parents on a world cruise
4.) Keeping loved ones happy
5.) Getting married to the one I love!
6.) A machine that makes headaches disappear with a click of a button!
7.) Latest Audi car....what a sexy machine!!
8.) A cool high-tech phone to show off!!
8 Things 'Am Passionate About:
1.) Cute n romantic things....just make you feel all warm inside!
2.) Dancing
3.) Listening to good muzic
4.) Dogs!
5.) Good food
6.) Spending time with close friends
7.) Learning languages~I sometimes even think in different languages!!
8.) Being a perfectionist- doing things my way....some habits die hard!
8 Words/Phrase I Often Use:
1.) Shit!
2.) Haanji....bolo? Yes...anything you have to say?
3.) Saala!
4.) Arre yaar! Uffff!
5.) Fuck#$% Ass&*@#
6.) Whatever!
7.) Bitch
8.) Anything new?
8 Things I Learnt From The Past:
1.) Acceptance is the key to all problems....
2.) No pain, no gain
3.) Never say never
4.) Be hated, be loved, never ever be ignored
5.) Always expect the unexpected
6.) You were born an original, don't die a copy!
7.) The beginning of love~a lifetime horror of emptiness
8.) You'll never know unless u try....
8 Places I Would Love To Go/Visit/See:
1.) Greece to see the old ruins....so romantic!
2.) Seychelles...heard the place is beautiful!
3.) My birthplace-Maputo in Mozambique
4.) New York City-Times Square is a must see!
5.) Italy- I can't get enough of that place!
6.) Maldives
7.) Phuket Island-to explore with someone close to me....HEHEHE!
8.) Spain....ola espagnol!!!
8 Things I Currently Want/Need:
1.) Wish I could have it...HINT HINT!
2.) An iPod
3.) A new place to live in
4.) A wardrobe change
5.) Lots of money to go shopping!!!
6.) Food...am hungry again!
7.) A way to unblock my nose....its been over 2 weeks arrrgggghhh!
8.) Run away from every problem...go somewhere nobody knows me...
8 People To Tag:
Unfortunately am not as popular as DayDreamer-the person who originally tagged me....so any other visitor on my blog has the honor of being tagged by me....Enjoy!!
Star crossed lovers-whats da catch?
First of all....New Year Greetings to all!!! Edward Cullen anyone? Iam quite sure that half the female population in the world knows by heart the vampire played by Robert Pattinson in the Twilight series. I recently watched the first part of the series-The Twilight movie. It gives rise to a new definition to star crossed lovers with a dangerous twist. A typical Romeo n Juliet backdrop yet with a very dark and sinister ambiance. I myself didn't know what all the fuss was about....who the hell cares what Robert Pattinson looks like right?!? Wait till you see the movie...you will surely be sucked into the story and I just couldn't take my eyes off of Edward. Edward...my dear Edward...with those haunting eyes which are so hypnotizing...the body which screams hunk...and that voice.....the deep yet sexy voice which is so alluring....
Why is the movie such a huge hit? The notion of being in love with something dangerous and moerover...something of the unknown....everyone falls in love with a human being....men will always be the weaker link...emotionally but a vampire? Instant attraction is bound to happen and with it comes the adrenaline rush. What if the vampire actually can't control his blood thirsty urges and wants a taste of his love's blood?
Haven't we all....at some point in our lives...as girls....teenagers....or even adult women....dreamt or fantasized about checking out the bad boy in highskool? Or how about the gangster who lives across the neigbourhood building? It's not just about that particular boy....its about breaking the rules for once....leaving your inhibitions behind....and just being impulsive and unrestrained....which we as girls are taught to always control....
For me....I have always been fascinated by obsessions....even though they hardly exist in real life...watching movies like Twilight...always rekindle those dormant thoughts of mine....the idea of being the ONLY love...and ONLY object of affection always gives me a rush....i love the idea of being possessed....of being wanted.....it gives a special feeling of being loved but in a different way...it sounds irrational but i find it horribly romantic...it would be wonderful to be with such a person.....who only thinks about caring for you....giving you every comfort.....being selfish for you....being obsessed about you in a crazy way.....being wanted....so any takers out there?