Yup you can say that again.....life is a joke that I just do not get anymore! It’s like stretching a rubber band until you can’t stretch it anymore. Is it me? Is it the place? Or is just the people around that make things worse? It’s like walking on and on and all I see is a mist. As it clears away- I see several paths but which one do I follow?

I’m sick of trying so hard. Before I used to die trying but that head strong determination is starting to wither away. I blossomed well into a beautiful flower but just like the rose-my life has thorns too. You feel as if each time you try, things just get worse. Trying is better than having to regret being a failure for the rest of your life. Would you try and fail or never try at all?

The mind in itself can be heaven or hell in itself. The decision is solely yours to make. Would you rather dwell in the dark pits of the mind or look forward and search for the divine light elsewhere? It’s difficult but not impossible. Giving up means perishing or else taking action for a better tomorrow. Maybe hope is a better option. Who likes facing the demons head on?

I’m sure being stuck in the middle is a situation hated by all. Sometimes feel like that is my constant state of mind. Am I changing or have I changed faster than I had imagined? Things get confusing because the mind and heart do not always collaborate. Decision making can be such a pain. Things seem to be spiraling out of control...is it time for the therapist?

Tis true as the saying goes “The one who loves you the most....can hurt you the most...” the old, the wise seem to have seen it all. I’m sure everyone has been in this place before. Sometimes voluntarily but usually thrown, tossed away like an unwanted item put up for sale. To make it worse, insensitive people come up and ask, “How you feeling? Is everything okay?” Hell no-does it look like am having a picnic?? You give away your heart-just this once hoping things will be right. Holding on to hope like a kid holds on to his last piece of candy. But things turn futile because life is always unpredictable. It is like holding a fist full of sand only to see it slip away into the wind. That sinking feeling, deep down in your stomach that something is terribly wrong. The helplessness just feels like you are crippled and all you can do is watch. Wait and watch wondering whether you will be damned for eternity or rise like the Phoenix-reborn from her ashes.

It feels like your whole world has been turned upside down. What, where, whom, why are mere words swimming in your brain. You wonder-why me? The eternal question whom only a few lucky ones ever get the answer to. You keep thinking but I tried so hard? Happiness is never meant to be eternal it keeps coming and going like the seasons. You feel anger, pain, despair so many emotions mixed up and you feel like dying.

I have seen myself locked in a windowless dark room lonely in pain. The feeling is excruciating pain yet I keep smiling on the outside. The world thinks I have it all yet I feel lonely in a crowd. Silence is unbearable. The nights are hard to spend. I keep waiting for the light. The bright sunlight that will bring a new day. A new day to wash away all my troubles, worries, tears to carry me through another day.

I get scared of the night. It engulfs you like a magician’s cloak transporting you to another world. A world you don’t know what to expect. I keep seeing myself falling into a bottomless pit where all I can hear are my screams, piercing through the darkness. My solitude surrounds me like a disease. No one can hear me-where has everyone disappeared to?